What is money trauma?

When we think about the concept of money trauma, we might imagine someone who has had to declare themselves bankrupt, or who has lived with homelessness, or suffers from gambling addiction. And we would be right to assume that these more extreme experiences of suffering due to a lack of money are responsible for traumatic consequences. However, I would argue that there are far more of us walking around with unconscious money trauma that is going unrecognised and potentially damaging our relationships, our careers and even our lives.

Why is it even more prevalent at Christmas?

Christmas is a time when our generosity is most visible. It is expected that we will participate in and receive transactional gifting with friends, colleagues and loved ones. Even if our gifting is not transactional, donations or charity offerings, for example, it is often visible to someone. How generous we can afford to be financially is not usually the issue - most of us can find a way to offer a gesture, favour, gift or food offering to someone in some form, no matter the size or cost - however for many of us we feel a cultural expectation of spoiling and treating others that is particularly intense at this time of year.

There are certainly many people - often parents - who worry that they are not able to provide their children with the quantity and quality of gifts that their peers may be gifting, and that comparison can lead to some complicated feelings about their worth as a parent.

It can be even more complex for the self-employed - especially counsellors and service providers

Being a self-employed person is no mean feat, and it’s not just a question of turning over enough money to keep afloat - the mechanism of transacting money with customers and clients can itself be layered in years of trauma response and shame. If you are a self-employed service provider - particularly a therapist or counsellor - it can feel even more difficult to confidently and tactfully ensure that invoices are paid and clients do not fall behind with payment for sessions due to our own loose management of financial boundaries. It can feel awkward to chase payments from people who have shared their vulnerabilities with us, and for some therapists, it leads them to leave private practice altogether.

Where does it come from?

Money trauma can arrive for any of us at any stage of life - including divorce, property repossession, redundancy or illness. Anywhere where money shows up as a means of transacting in the world or accessing services, money is also to be found. It can also stem from the environment that we grew up in and the level of exposure that we had to financial stressors, or conversations beyond our ability to understand, when we were too young to be able to do anything about them.
If you grew up in a home where money was scarce and your parents struggled to feed you, clothe you or access services, then you will almost certainly be impacted by the effects of growing up in poverty. Conversely, if you grew up in a very affluent family setting where money was always available, but required great sacrifice through the absence of one or both parents, or you were housed and schooled away from your family, then a less recognised - but no less painful - impact can be made on a person via this kind of money-influenced trauma.

Ok, I recognise some of these feelings and behaviours. Now what?

The good news about money trauma is that it’s never too late to work on. Money is a tool which we must all use to move through the world, and it is something that will always exist in some form or another, so working on how we feel about these necessary transactions is a piece of counselling work with perennial value.

• This could mean delving into why you find it so hard to chase clients for unpaid invoices, and recognising that you have internalised messages about your own financial worth that are impacting you as a professional.
• It might mean looking at what financial success really means to you, and challenging ideas that you picked up from family members or teachers.
• It might mean reassessing whether you can build resilience to retrain or change your working schedule to accommodate other activities that might not pay, but which fill you up in other ways - without panicking about a lack of financial security.

Counselling for money trauma

As a certified Trauma of Money Facilitator, I have been trained to identify and work with money trauma of myriad styles and flavours. There are activities, behaviour modifications, texts and resources which we can collaborate on to better understand and modify how you relate to money in your everyday life.

If you would like to understand more about your own money trauma, then click here to book in for a free 30-minute introductory session to discuss how we can work together to change your relationship with your financial future.

End-of-year expense

As we approach an expensive time of year for everyone - be that in increased heating costs, travel costs or celebrating end-of-year holidays, I, like everyone else, look at my own income as a self-employed person and try to calculate what I’m going to need for the coming months, and whether what I have coming in is going to comfortably meet what I anticipate going out.

Since the arrival of my child two and a half years ago, I have seen my personal outgoings do little else but increase, naturally, and I pay greater attention than ever to my household’s finances to ensure that we can have the kind of lifestyle that we want.

Some years, I have to admit that with health crises and some unexpected periods of being unwell and unable to work, it's all felt a little too close for comfort. However, as someone who came from humble beginnings, I am pleased to have been able to draw on that experience in shaping my expenses according to my situation. I know that I’m not alone in this.

A quiet time

If I look at my diary for the rest of 2025, honestly, it looks a little sparse. I know this is not because people have stopped thinking, feeling, or suffering, sadly. Sometimes it is because the end of the year is a busy time and people are travelling or seeing friends or family in the spaces when they aren’t working or doing their usual routines, and I get that. I do it too.
Some people are cutting back on sessions or letting me know they’ll be able to return to our work in the new year or early spring 2026, when their finances feel more predictable and they can commit to this investment in themselves. Again, totally relatable.

And the message that I have replied to them with, that I am hoping to convey to you and, perhaps above all, to myself, is that this is fine. More than fine. Normal. Expected. Essential.

Because, as much as I see many mental health organisations and practitioners rightly reminding us that counselling and therapy are essentials that we should consider akin to heating, water, and even pension contributions, the fact of the matter is that this year, perhaps more than many years in recent memory, people are struggling. People are having trouble feeding themselves and paying their rent. In this economy, it’s easier and easier to think of the talking therapies as an unnecessary expense to be able to cut back on.

The hungry gap (psychologically speaking)

If I may reassure any counselling clients out there reading this that the only acceptable answer from me or another private therapist is that this is no problem whatsoever, and it is absolutely, completely, wholly the decision of the person paying for the service and that I respect it. I'm not here to dissuade someone from making a decision that is probably a) difficult and b) possibly feels stigmatised (by our culture, not by therapy, I should add).

That said, my suggestions for those who feel the need to cancel private therapy in times of financial hardship would be:

• If it can be, let a lull in therapy be temporary - coming back to anything after a break is usually difficult, and it makes sense that coming back to counselling, the requirement to be reflective, vulnerable, and honest, can feel that much harder to access after a long break from your work. If you can get back to therapy sooner rather than later, there is a chance that your therapy will be that much fresher and more present in your mind to pick up on (with whomsoever that therapist might be).

• If you can, keep your work going to some degree - whether that be making sure that you block out some cost-free time for self-care, self-reflection, a walk to give yourself some solitude and thinking space, a journalling practice to keep your reflections deep and useful, or simply making sure you listen to some music or get the chance to read a few chapters of a comfort book over the busy end of year period. There is so much going on at this time, it’s important not to neglect ourselves.

Let me know your thoughts

I hope that therapists and clients alike find these reflections useful. Money and therapy are famously uncomfortable bedfellows, so if you have any comments, please do share them. I’m always delighted to talk more about the role of money in therapy, as my specialist training with The Trauma of Money betrays!