Professional jealousy - no one is too good for it, even therapists

Photo by Negar Nikkhah on Unsplash

A happy problem

Last month marked the end of some years of psychotherapy for two of my longest-standing clients. We celebrated the end of this part of their process and parted company for now, knowing that they were leaving this period of sessions as quite different people from those that I had met several years ago.
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It is a bittersweet moment for the therapist, as we counsellors know that our own redundancy is the ultimate goal we are working towards with some of our clients. It is, however, enormously positive to see these individuals doing with ease some of the things that they had struggled to verbalise even twelve months ago, and what a privilege it has been for me to witness.

And so, these celebrations leave me with my own problem to solve: two free spaces in my diary.
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Back to advertising

To remedy the situation, I took myself to one of the advertising platforms that I have previously used in my career as a private therapist, and reactivated my profile on Counselling Directory. And whilst browsing some of the functionality that I have not been privy to in my long absence as their customer, I happened upon some profiles of old colleagues and acquaintances with whom I have not spoken for years.

I was delighted to see that they were still practicing, as with some it has been more than a decade since we’d had cause to speak, but interestingly I noticed that my professional interest went further than simply noticing what modalities they were working in now (it is usual for therapists to evolve with their training over the years and sometimes they can change they way that they work quite markedly). But I also noticed that some individuals had participated in some trainings that I myself would like to explore further, and I noticed how much clinical availability some of them were offering - for example, twelve-hour clinic days, five days per week (!!).

Jealousy strikes

I have to admit there was a little part of me that felt simultaneously envious - jealous even - of the amount of time that they were able to devote to their practice, and in a couple of instances, a little intimidated by just how much training some of them had done over the last decade.

By contrast, some of my personal experiences of the last eight years have greatly impacted my ability to do many of the things that I would like to do with my career. There are numerous trainings that impress and interest me that I have not yet been able to plan into my diary. There are books unread on both my Kindle and my Audible accounts, and honestly, I am sometimes lucky to get to a couple of podcasts and articles over the course of a week, around the edges of client sessions, business admin, writing, and, of course, my personal life.

So when I had my moment of professional insecurity, dare I say even professional jealousy, I had to take a moment to breathe.

Reflecting on my why

I needed a moment to think about the reasons why those things haven’t all yet been possible for me, and to alleviate any self-blame or guilt that I might put upon myself for this momentary sense of lack. I had to remind myself of all that I have achieved over these eight years: moving to a new country, surviving bouts of serious illness, becoming a parent, and managing my own matrescence. Thankfully, this is a much more forgiving lens through which to see myself when I reflect on why I might not yet have those extra letters next to my name, or be able to open my clinic as much as a version of me from the past might have liked to.

There is a great lesson in all of this about acceptance.

Comparison is normal

Sometimes it is uncomfortable to see and hear how our peers and colleagues are doing, and it is natural to compare ourselves. But it is not necessary to use this information to punish or blame ourselves for our differences. As I so often hear in the parenting podcasts that I listen to these days:

All feelings are welcome, all behaviour is not.

And I think aptly, this applies not just to my toddler tantruming over me giving them the wrong colour cup, but also to our own thought behaviours. It is so important that we might catch our thoughts being unkind to ourselves. To acknowledge this, and instead offer ourselves the compassion and understanding that we would so quickly give to a loved one.

Life skills to carry forward

It’s important that we all learn to put in place thought behaviours that support, encourage, and reassure those insecure parts of self that surface from time to time. We all need skills that allow us to take care of those parts that still need soothing occasionally. Those parts that counsellors and therapists still have too.

Just like a toddler.
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