Do you have money trauma?

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

What is money trauma?

When we think about the concept of money trauma, we might imagine someone who has had to declare themselves bankrupt, or who has lived with homelessness, or suffers from gambling addiction. And we would be right to assume that these more extreme experiences of suffering due to a lack of money are responsible for traumatic consequences. However, I would argue that there are far more of us walking around with unconscious money trauma that is going unrecognised and potentially damaging our relationships, our careers and even our lives.

Why is it even more prevalent at Christmas?

Christmas is a time when our generosity is most visible. It is expected that we will participate in and receive transactional gifting with friends, colleagues and loved ones. Even if our gifting is not transactional, donations or charity offerings, for example, it is often visible to someone. How generous we can afford to be financially is not usually the issue - most of us can find a way to offer a gesture, favour, gift or food offering to someone in some form, no matter the size or cost - however for many of us we feel a cultural expectation of spoiling and treating others that is particularly intense at this time of year.

There are certainly many people - often parents - who worry that they are not able to provide their children with the quantity and quality of gifts that their peers may be gifting, and that comparison can lead to some complicated feelings about their worth as a parent.

It can be even more complex for the self-employed - especially counsellors and service providers

Being a self-employed person is no mean feat, and it’s not just a question of turning over enough money to keep afloat - the mechanism of transacting money with customers and clients can itself be layered in years of trauma response and shame. If you are a self-employed service provider - particularly a therapist or counsellor - it can feel even more difficult to confidently and tactfully ensure that invoices are paid and clients do not fall behind with payment for sessions due to our own loose management of financial boundaries. It can feel awkward to chase payments from people who have shared their vulnerabilities with us, and for some therapists, it leads them to leave private practice altogether.

Where does it come from?

Money trauma can arrive for any of us at any stage of life - including divorce, property repossession, redundancy or illness. Anywhere where money shows up as a means of transacting in the world or accessing services, money is also to be found. It can also stem from the environment that we grew up in and the level of exposure that we had to financial stressors, or conversations beyond our ability to understand, when we were too young to be able to do anything about them.
If you grew up in a home where money was scarce and your parents struggled to feed you, clothe you or access services, then you will almost certainly be impacted by the effects of growing up in poverty. Conversely, if you grew up in a very affluent family setting where money was always available, but required great sacrifice through the absence of one or both parents, or you were housed and schooled away from your family, then a less recognised - but no less painful - impact can be made on a person via this kind of money-influenced trauma.

Ok, I recognise some of these feelings and behaviours. Now what?

The good news about money trauma is that it’s never too late to work on. Money is a tool which we must all use to move through the world, and it is something that will always exist in some form or another, so working on how we feel about these necessary transactions is a piece of counselling work with perennial value.

• This could mean delving into why you find it so hard to chase clients for unpaid invoices, and recognising that you have internalised messages about your own financial worth that are impacting you as a professional.
• It might mean looking at what financial success really means to you, and challenging ideas that you picked up from family members or teachers.
• It might mean reassessing whether you can build resilience to retrain or change your working schedule to accommodate other activities that might not pay, but which fill you up in other ways - without panicking about a lack of financial security.

Counselling for money trauma

As a certified Trauma of Money Facilitator, I have been trained to identify and work with money trauma of myriad styles and flavours. There are activities, behaviour modifications, texts and resources which we can collaborate on to better understand and modify how you relate to money in your everyday life.

If you would like to understand more about your own money trauma, then click here to book in for a free 30-minute introductory session to discuss how we can work together to change your relationship with your financial future.