High Sensitivity & The Highly Sensitive Person
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My name is Laura and I am a highly sensitive person.
This does not mean that I am vulnerable, or that I am easily hurt by the things people say. It doesn't mean that I am weak or neurotic. It means that I have an in-built capacity to think and feel deeply, and to process the world around me with a level of attentiveness and awareness that others without the trait may not. You may have heard of the acronym HSP before - it is often confused with introversion or shyness. This is sometimes because HSP's are naturally inclined to notice more and have deep feelings. So when life is difficult or stressful (as it will occasionally unavoidably be), they may have more information to deal with than someone who does not have the HSP trait - this can sometimes fuel negative feelings. Conversely, this ability to feel feelings so deeply and notice more of the world and what's in it can also mean that appreciation of positive experiences can be intense and wonderful. It might mean that someone develops a deep and powerful appreciation of art, or music, or children, or academia, or animals, or nature. It is a trait which draws many HSP individuals to working with others - because they seem like a "people person", when in fact they may just be naturally good at empathising and seeing a wider picture because they are processing so much information. One of the more difficult aspects of the HSP ability can be that the large quantity of information which is taken in can be overwhelming, and so consistent acts of self-care and high self-awareness for the Highly Sensitive Person are imperative. |
Again, this doesn't necessarily mean mindfulness and long, hot baths - but instead taking the time to listen to how they really feel, to decide whether they really want to do a certain activity or work task, and to learn to say "no" to things which will cost them their wellbeing.
For some it will mean stepping back from some friendships or relationships and learning to build strong and healthy boundaries, which we communicate effectively to those we care about so they don't feel hurt or rejected. I only discovered my own high sensitivity in the latter part of my thirties. Prior to this I had struggled with the sense that I could sometimes feel overwhelmed by too many responsibilities or high stress situations. I tend to avoid situations where I am the leader of others or am subject to micromanagement. Looking back on my early career, the experience of more than a decade working in a toxic corporate environment was crushing for me. |
Because HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called “shy.” But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extroverts, although the trait is often mislabeled as introversion. - Dr Elaine Aron, founder of HSP scientific research
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Conversely, away from that environment I am an excellent business person, I have successfully run several businesses and find that I mostly have success in the things which I choose to do. I am creative, courageous and optimistic - so the overwhelm which I felt in my previous career is now something which I see was down to the environment which I was in, and how misaligned that was for me, rather than any failing on me as a person.
Realising that I am highly sensitive has given me a new lens through which to reframe experiences from the past where I felt ashamed for feeling different, and can now see those younger versions of myself in a more compassionate, kinder and understanding light. |
For example:
I didn't dislike the company of others and want to be alone - I was overwhelmed by too much stress-based contact in my work and needed solitude in my own time to compensate. I didn't fail to reach the level of Partner in my previous company because I was incapable, I found the toxic corporate environment of bullying management to be emotionally painful - even when not aimed at me - and I could not stay in a company which treated people so poorly. My dislike of extremely crowded places or overly loud environments wasn't because I was weak or vulnerable, it was because those spaces are too full of information and stimulus for my deeply processing brain. |
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Do you think that you might be highly sensitive?
If you can relate to some of the experiences or feelings which I describe here then there is an online self test via the website of Dr Elaine Aron - the founder of HSP research - where you can quickly check whether you are likely to be highly sensitive. For example:
Click here to take the test |
Working with high sensitivity in therapy
While it is not absolutely necessary for a therapist to be an HSP in order to be effective and helpful to an HSP client, as an HSP person myself I believe that this gives me an additional depth of understanding and empathy for the levels of discomfort, pain or shame which my HSP clients describe in their lives. I can often relate to described experiences myself and it removes the need to explain the trait - it is simply enough to acknowledge our difference from others. It can allow me to make gentle suggestions and offer ideas on how to avoid overwhelm, manage mental health and communicate our needs to others - because much of the time I will have already tested these methods. |
